Sometimes the answer is no...

Dear Blog,

I prayed...like I have rarely prayed before...Ever since I first started speaking to God, the bottom line of my prayer has always been “Thy will be done”. I would ask for whatever I wanted but would always end with that statement removing myself from the ego consciousness and merging my will with HIS. This time it was different.

This time I wanted my COCO to live...to survive the ordeal he had been through, firstly because I didn’t want him to die an untimely death as a consequence of the actions of a bunch of hooligans and secondly because I wanted to laugh in their faces and make a statement...that their actions couldn’t harm my little one.

He showed signs of recovery, he sat up, ate, drank water, wagged his tail showed my parents recognition...and then suddenly before the critical 72 hr period was up, his condition turned for the worse. His body became rigid again, his fever sky rocketed and he kept screaming into the night...apparently the horrific pain came back.

He stayed this way for a while before he slipped into a coma. And all this while I was only praying for his life...No underlying “Thy will be done” statement. Finally after 24 hours I realized I was just holding on to him and he was hanging on only because I was not ready to let go...because I kept praying for his life....because I would not let God do HIS will.

So day before yesterday I finally sat down and spoke to GOD like I used to. I told Him that as much as I would love COCO romping around happy and healthy again, I would not want to be the cause of his pain. And no matter what happens, I cannot question GOD’s reasons. And I sealed the conversation with “Your will be done.”

I was at a conference the whole day at the Shangri La and was caught up in the arcane world of business professionals. I finally managed to break away for a bit and slipped into the restroom to call Ma. And she informed me that Coco had passed on an hour or so earlier.

I hung up and stood there in the majestically decorated restroom. I was surrounded by beauty but my heart was empty save for a few mixed emotions running helter skelter. I was crying inside knowing that I would never see my Coco’s physical form again, but I was relieved that he was in no pain. I was filled with fury at those boys who took Coco from me but at the same time I was revelling in the fact that God had been on the other side conversing with me all along, and when I finally agreed to let go, God agreed to take him.

I am sure I will grieve Coco for a long time now. More than my other animals because he died as a result of an unnecessary cruel act...something unforgiveable in the human species since we have been given the power to discern right from wrong. Sure Orcas play with their quarry before killing them; sure cats do the same and kill their prey without wanting to eat them. But they do not have the discriminating volition that has been so benevolently granted to us.

I have had anger welling up in me ever since I heard of the atrocious act and I have cursed like I have never done before. But amidst my fury, my friend of yesteryears reminded me of the grace of God and her understanding words touched me to my very core. I asked for her permission to publish her thoughts and here is an excerpt of what she said, “As for those perpertrators, for each and every act of injustice done, they will have to be answerable to God. Though all of us feel pure rage right now, the time will surely come for their judgment as well. Forgive them for they do not know what they do. It is very painful. But true that all of us have to leave one day, all marked in His time. May God's will be done. For His plans are not ours, and He does all for our own good. I just pray that we continue to do good and find strength in the Lord.”

I have listened to her and am slowly resolving the anger inside of me. I know it will take time.

But I have faith that God will help me forgive.

Coco was cremated yesterday. I wish to erase the memories of him in pain. I only wish to remember him as the sprightly boy that he was...abounding in joy and selfless love.
I prayed like never before and then I prayed like I used to. I am always looking to God for answers. And He has shown me that He always answers my prayers. Always. Only for reasons that are His alone, and for reasons that I am too spiritually unevolved yet to understand, sometimes the answer is No.

I love you Coco. Goodbye.

........In Memorium of our beloved Coco

Twinky

Coco’s ordeal

Dear blog,
I should have talked to you yesterday, but I was distraught, so I made do with crying at home when I was alone. What else could I do? I couldn’t make sense of what had happened, why it had happened and how anyone could do something like this. Coco was a good dog, he didn’t deserve this. I wasn’t even there to protect him when those fiends beat him up brutally. I was not there to take action too, make sure justice was done. What is the point of me living in this beautiful manicured country when I can’t be there for my own animals?

Coco and Coffee have been resident dogs in the building where Ive spent half my life in Jangid Complex, Mira Road. I have been witnessing their galloping exuberance and gentle joyfulness for as long as I can remember. Coffee is this big lumbering girl with floppy paws while Coco is a smaller version of Coffee, but much naughtier.

Both have been much adored by a majority of the residents and they have never ever given anyone any cause for complaint. In fact they are two of the best guard dogs the building has had. At least theyve got more guts than the idiotic, lazy security guards we have always had. They wouldn’t hesitate to bring the whole building down if a stranger so much as stepped close to the place. Suffice it to say with these two, the building was always safe.

Night before last, a group of 3-4 adolescent boys paid a visit to the garden behind our building where Coco must have been strolling around. The boys were charas doped and whether in that state or not I do not know, three of them pounced on Coco for no apparent reason and held his legs in place while the fourth (identified as an AMJED something) inflicted several blows on Coco with a heavy piece of wood. Coco managed to escape once but they ran after him and repeated the same thing again and again, till Coco’s body was twisted in pain and his spine bent from the multiple blows. Hearing the commotion people ran down from their houses, when these boys fled the scene and somehow got possible witnesses to shut up about it.

Coco was rushed to the hospital on grounds of possible spinal fractures and has been in observation ever since. X-rays show severe concussions in several regions of his spinal cord, micro bleeding which has caused the liquid to accumulate in his chest cavity, high fever and permanent loss of vision in one eye. Painkillers and concussion depressants seem to be working albeit slowly.

I keep having visions of this sweet naughty playful little fellow jumping on me whenever I was near him and never wanting to get off me. I keep think of the wet lickies he used to bestow on my unsuspecting hand as I walked around. And of course how he LOVED to frolic with Coffee...his best friend.

I am inherently a very spiritual person and I know that human beings have been given a free will with which they make their choices and thereby set their karmic wheels in motion. But animals are subject to mass world karma, not having free will of their own, so Ive been told. Why then is the animal kingdom subject to so much suffering for no fault of the individual animals themselves? And the bigger question is how can a human being bring himself to commit such atrocity with such seeming cold heartedness?

I have witnessed so much of animal cruelty in my life of 25 years, but I have always made it a point to forgive the perpetrator and hope for a better future. But yesterday I found myself unwilling to restrain myself from cursing those four young men. I know God has his plans and therefore I feel a little guilty about cursing them, but I also felt a certain relief when I did. When I put out into the universe thoughts of ravaging pain, paralysis and suffering for these young men, I realized that it was the only thing I could do to exact revenge, to action justice for what they had done to my defenceless friend.

I don’t know if Coco will survive this ordeal. Even if he does, I don’t know if he will be a vegetable all his life. And I am sure this trauma has scarred him emotionally forever. In a way it’s a good thing. He will stay away from the real “animals” that inhabit this world.
I pray to God that I am someday capable of forgiving these satanic actions. I hope that I can. For now, I can only pray for Coco...my darling little Coco.
............Devastated, Twinky.